So here I am again, trying to get a post out! Selena is doing so awesome, we just recently had birthdays and she is 9 years old now and still unmedicated. I truly believe that taking her off of the meds has helped her in more ways than I could imagine. However, we are going through some pretty difficult life changes and maybe some antidepressants might do her some good. She isn’t big with telling me how she is feeling, but she makes it known on her school worksheets in the margin and on the back. She will write things like “I am blue” and “I am insane”. I am currently seeking counseling for her so she can address these feelings and can get help to work through them. I have faith that she will come out of this low, it will just take more support than what I can give her and an unbiased, uninvolved ear to listen. My heart breaks for her as I hear her crying at night and generally feeling down. Other than this set back, she is excelling in so many areas and I am so proud of her!
Speech therapy is going great and at the last I.E.P. meeting, I found out that they want to graduate her out of speech therapy! What a joyful day that was! I cried tears of joy and every time I think about it or speak about it, I get so full of happiness that I can feel myself getting choked up. To think, just 5 years ago, she was not putting more than 2 words together and was not speaking sentences. Now a days, you would have no idea! I think that when she graduates from therapy, we should have a celebration!! Now to figure out how to do that!
We have been through so much, and it is starting to pay off! From speech, to meltdowns, to comprehension, I am amazed with this little girl. We still have a road ahead of us, but it doesn’t feel quite so rocky any longer. We do still have her battles as she is becoming more defiant and resistive towards me and adults towards undesired activities. She openly expresses how much she dislikes things and let’s me know that she is displeased and will refuse most of the time. Her aggression is also needing to be worked on since she can’t control it very well yet. She is quick to throw desks and cause quite the commotion in class. Selena’s attitude is atypical for a girl her age, just a bit more intense. I am hoping with the right structured support and reward system, that she will still be defiant, just with less hostility. I am now more aware of how I carry myself, as she is definitely picking up on it more and more everyday.
Jacob and Selena get along so well. He is only 10 months old, so she has yet to see what being a big sister to a toddler is like! I will catch her singing to him, holding and rocking him, and giving all of her love to him. Watching them interact when she doesn’t know I am watching, melts my heart. They are so excited to see each other that all I hear is laughter coming from the next room for a good half hour when she gets home from school. I have to keep reminding her that he feels pain and has emotions just like she does so she watches how she sets him down and interacts with him. I can successfully leave her in a room alone with him and not be afraid that she will unintentionally do something that would cause him harm. What an blessing, that was a scary couple of months! She is turning out to be an amazing big sister and I am blessed that it is working out so well between the two of them. I hope their relationship can become even stronger, especially when he gets to a more demanding age and she hits puberty.
A major milestone was hit just recently, she will get herself ready in the morning all by herself!!! Just a few years ago, she wouldn’t even walk to the bathroom, let alone get dressed, and now (on good days) all I need to do is wake her up to go to the bathroom! How awesome is that! It’s great because Jacob needs quite a bit of attention in the mornings and I just do not have the ability to orchestrate dressing her, and changing/feeding/tending to him. It definitely was rough the first 6 months of his life, but now just a few months later she is coming out of the back of the house all dressed and ready to go. We did have to play around with bedtimes, and I think we have finally got it right! Watch, I will say this and she will be a difficult child tomorrow morning!
One last thought, I hope that when she is old enough to understand that I have been writing about her for years, she doesn’t get upset or embarrassed. This is the story of Selena and I will continue to share our ups and downs as we navigate through such a confusing disorder. I love my Stinky and would do anything for her, no matter what!
Have a great day y’all.