Dirty Shoes

Join us with our journey through Autism Spectrum Disorder

October 30, 2013 *part 2* October 31, 2013

Ok, I’m back. I didn’t make it to class due to this wonderful virus going around that our family seems to have gotten (except Selena, she is our robot child who rarely gets ill) and I just needed to rest. We had a wonderful dinner and a great conversation at dinner. We always make it a no cell phone zone and only during special times do we allow her and us to watch a family movie while we are eating dinner. Dinner is a time for communication, togetherness and our time together to catch up with our day. Although getting Selena to talk about her day is about as easy as asking a chimpanzee to type a novel, we can get a few things from her. I do miss her teacher writing everything she does during the day, it feels like we are just in the dark now with her school life. She is doing really well in her new class and I’m excited that she has been paired with her peers. Selena gets along with her classmates and there has only been a few incidents, most of them during the end of the week and during her medication changes. Her aggression has been pushed back a bit and I thank the medication for the emotional stability she has gained. I am hoping that as she gets older, her ability to understand her emotions will be more of a winner than the medication alone. As of right now, when we ask her how she is feeling, she rarely has a correct answer for us or she just tells us that her heart starts racing. A key sign of her anxiety.

Sorry if my writing has been a bit jumbled lately, I have been required to write a ton of structured essays so I guess this is my free for all escape from all of that nonsense! Hah. Bear with me, I am just happy to get some thoughts out, even if they are ranting.

Back to Selena. Her anxiety is pretty uncontrollable and it renders her just about useless and unable to function. Example: The bus schedule in the morning. As we all are aware, buses are rarely at your home or stop at the same time everyday, there are way to many variables to make it a consistent time. Well, this doesn’t work for Selena…at all. If it comes early and she isn’t 300% she freaks out. If she is standing at the door, with her backpack on, ready to go and we aren’t pretty much right next to her, she starts screaming for us and starts her arching jump splits. Going to be great if she wants to be a cheerleader! Hah! If the bus comes early, like it did the other day, and she is brushing her teeth; she immediately freezes, starts screaming, staring at herself in the mirror and is unable to continue and get finished. I have to physically turn her and finish her up, while she is screaming and help her get out the door. She BOLTS to the bus, at times she has hit her shin on the bottom step, screams at the bus aide and runs to her seat. I feel so bad because there is not a single thing that I can do for her. I am trying to allow her to be more independent, but that means we move on her time, not my time. So some days it just takes longer for her to get moving.

In the mornings, I don’t have to carry her, she will walk, but she walks with assistance. I stand behind her and help lead her because her balance is super off in the morning time. She has begun to refuse sitting up most mornings so I need to turn her legs off of the bed and sit her up to get her moving. Ah memories of being a CNA. Some mornings, she will get herself up, ready and come out dressed, but that is few and far between! Boy are we thankful for those days though!!! Every small improvement should be celebrated. Especially with high fives and awesome hugs! We have her eat breakfast now at home and it’s working out pretty well. In her new class, she doesn’t get any special treatment in the cafeteria in the morning anymore. They have aides that walk around and hurry them to finish up quickly and get to class. You can’t do that with Selena. So imagine how her days would go. Freak out over the bus, freak out at breakfast and then try to do her studies and be productive during the day when her morning just started out so crappy and emotionally draining. I am glad that we are able to make these subtle changes so that hopefully her emotional well being can become more stable.

My pregnancy is starting to become real for her and I believe it’s mostly because my belly is finally starting to show. She likes to come up and rub my belly, talk to the baby and ask questions about the baby. She picked out a toy for the baby when she was with Mahja and helped me pick out some cute neutral newborn outfits. Once we know what we are having, I want her to pick the “take home” hospital outfit. We are all so excited. I think she is torn on what she wants. She talks about wanting a boy so she’ll have a prince to play with, but also she is excited for a girl too. She has been playing with her baby dolls and coming up to me talking about how the baby will be that big and how she will take care of it. Selena does not understand some certain concepts with what babies know and what they just don’t understand. I am a little bit worried that she will not be so forgiving with the baby and may lash out just because she doesn’t know any better. I hope that with some cute stories, lots of talks and time with the both of them, that she will be the biggest, most awesome sister one could ask for. This will definitely be interesting.

Girl Scouts has been interesting. We have been having fun, doing new things and have been getting to know each other pretty well. Our girls are becoming pretty good friends and now we are going to be trick or treating tomorrow together, which will be awesome! There are at times with meetings, where she will not participate or even be able to sit in the same room together with the other girls. At times she just wants to scream and hide, and we let her and I go to her after a few minutes and tell her that we all want her to join us, that I will be right beside her and that she won’t be alone. At times this works, but not always. We just had our Halloween Party and I am now getting ready for our Christmas party. Yes, yes, yes, I am aware that it is not that close, however with our busy schedules, I need to start planning now so I don’t have to worry about it along with everything else that comes along with Christmas! We are going to do a parade this year! Super stoked!! I went through and wrote down the key things I would like to do for each badge and now have a book in the works for the girls to take home, write in, have their parents sign off on, for each step of the badge and for what we will be doing together so that we can get some things accomplished with our troop! We need a plan of action and be set for the future meetings to help relieve some stress of planning everything between each meeting!

One last note, as I am getting tired and starting to rant. Selena makes me so proud, for who she is, how far she has come and how wonderful of a daughter and person she is growing to become. We get compliments for our parenting style with her and how we tackle the issues we face with her. I know we aren’t perfect, but we don’t stop trying, we don’t stop trying to figure ways out to help her. We don’t give up and it is paying off. Every day, every month, every year, Selena gains new behaviors, loses behaviors and only gains more abilities and knowledge. I am proud to be her Momma, I wouldn’t wish for her to be anyone else.


P.S. Happy Halloween!! I might as well just make this October 31, 2013 since it is 10 minutes until tomorrow.


February 20, 2013 February 20, 2013

Filed under: The Usual — Chobie @ 9:55 pm
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I have failed you bloggity! I have not written in so long and we’ve missed out on all the fun holiday stuff. I hope you won’t be too mad. Seems like every time I’d get started writing, something would interfere and I’d have to stop. Orrrr I was just really, really tired. Anyway, excuses aside. Selena has been doing pretty well considering the fact that her entire routine has been turned upside down. No school for 2 weeks! What is that about?! I understand teachers and holidays and all that, but I just wish there was something I could enroll her in for those 2 weeks so that we can keep on track with everything. There probably is and I just haven’t looked hard enough. Day after Christmas, Selena was upset that she wasn’t going to school. Every morning she is asking if she’s going to school, even though every night before I am telling her where she will be going. I should soak this up while I can, because once she hits 15/16 it’s all over! Heh.

No new nail picking and Selena is doing great in that aspect. She has started slapping and hitting herself now and doesn’t seem to know how to not drag her feet. Gaaah!! We are buying new shoes just about every month.

And that from above was from Jan. 3rd. Sigh. I always think about writing and just never get to do it anymore. Gymnastics, Cheer, Girl Scouts and something else… Planning our wedding!!! EEEEE!!! My darling finally proposed to me and Selena is so excited to have the same last name as everyone. Most days. Heh. She is too cute and talks about it often, but if you catch her on a bad day (like yesterday) she’ll cover her hands over her ears, keep her back towards you and tell you that you are the worst person in the world. Needless to say, things have been a bit busy. Always busy. Ask anyone we know and they’ll tell you that we never stand still long enough for our shadow to move. All that set aside, I will not bother to go too in depth with everything that I’ve missed telling you about because, that is just too much.

We started a garden! Selena loves working in it! She loves it so much that Papa & Grammy got her a garden set (which Rob and myself love too). We have had some ‘harvests’ and it’s so neat to see her get so excited about picking pea pods and planting her own seedlings. I have a bunch of sweet peppers germinated so she’ll need to transfer them over to some soil and that will be so awesome for her.

Great Christmas, she got everything she wanted, except for the dancing robot. I could not find one anywhere! She enjoyed the Mrs. Potts tea set and tea cart. I swear when I opened up the box to assemble it, glitter encased our entire living room. Christmas went well, we were all spoiled by what Santa and our loved ones gave to us;  she did wonderful at my brother’s house, I think that’s mostly because Emma and Hope were with us. Now that the Christmas honey moon is over and there were a few weeks off of school, the fun can begin. She was excited to be off school, then crying, then happy again and finally every day I would hear the same thing, “School today Mommy?” Every night before she went to sleep we’d count down the days and remind her that there was no school. Ugh. How happy she was to be back in school!!! I’m sure that will wear off soon enough. The new year came and left, Selena understood the months changing, but not the year. Just keep explaining over and over and over again, knowing that one day she’ll understand.

January became the month of change. An instant cut of our insurance got us scrambling for something, anything to help cover the $1,200 a month cost of medication. No more hippotherapy, which didn’t help nor hinder her in anyway; I’d rather have someone have the slot who can substantially benefit from the hippotherapy.  Applied for KidCare and SSI, which I have to call and make an appointment for the SSI which I can never seem to find the time for, which has to be done. It’s been crazy. Selena has been doing great in school, when she wants to and is scoring high on the Florida practice exams.

Girl Scouts has been going great, we are quite a few petals in; have done quite a few activities and now it’s cookie time! Selena is super stoked about this because she is a social butterfly. She does not have the traditional social wallflower behavior at all. She will go up to anyone, anywhere and tell them her name, that she’s a girl, that her name is Selena, that we are her parents and what our names are….it goes on and on! They are instantly her best friend and she will hunt them down and follow them everywhere. It is so bad that when Emma and Hope are with us, she will have nothing to do with them and tell us that!! I try to tell her that it hurts their feelings and that it isn’t a nice thing to say but frankly, she doesn’t care. Tunnel vision is in full swing and it doesn’t matter who is around her or who wants to talk to her. Get her on a playground and say good-bye to Selena because she isn’t on this planet anymore.

Injuries and behaviors. Oh here we are, time for the fun part of our little one sided chat. She has some interesting ways of hurting herself as of late. Slapping and hitting herself. At Girl Scouts she did it when she couldn’t get something right. At home when we ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do or agree with. I’m not sure what brings it on yet, if she’s doing it because she’s angry or if it’s because she is looking for some nerve stimulation or if she’s just being stubborn. Either way, she caught some crooked looks from the other girls and Rob had to remove her from the meeting to calm down (we could still hear her screaming though lol). Another injury which is peculiar. She is biting on her lips and breaking the skin open. I think she’s been doing it for a while but now she’s doing it worse – or she finally got caught. This one, I have no idea why she’s doing it and I have no idea how to stop her. Granted it doesn’t seem like she’s eating her lips off or anything, but if it’s something she does to cope with feelings, I want to find a way to get through to her so she stops doing it. She doesn’t seem to be dragging her toes as much as she was. I’m not sure if they are catching it or what’s going on, but her shoes don’t seem to take such a beating. Watch, I’ll say that and go home today to find her shoes all messed up!! Rolling her eyes. Does your child do this? When we are eating she rolls her eyes into the back of her head and if you didn’t know Selena, you’d think she was going to start spinning her head around vomiting everywhere. We ask her about it and she just blows it off, unknowing of what she is doing. She is always ‘coloring’ things with her finger. You know how you pretend to squish peoples heads? Squint and squish-squish. Well, she does that but like she’s coloring with her finger or hand sometimes. I guess our house needs a little bit more color. Irritating if she’s doing that while we are trying to talk to her. Routines, ugh. Don’t F with the routine. That’s well known though, so no surprise there. That’s it for now, I’m sure that I will think of more right after I hit the Publish button.

Now to end on a good note – since I am about to punch out and I don’t know when I’ll be back (no point in beating around the bush).

Selena is about to turn 7 and I am thrilled that she has come as far as she has! I cannot express enough how happy this makes me. We are constantly working with her and always trying to take our time and show her everything. Talk to her about everything and just be there for her. Times get rough, patience gets thin and she likes to tell us just what she thinks of us (which can be really mean) but all in all, she is my beautiful little girl who is taking her time with growing in this big world. I don’t think I could imagine it any other way.

I’ll be back as soon as I can. Thanks for your patience.






October 30, 2012 October 30, 2012

Filed under: The Usual — Chobie @ 2:07 am
Tags: , , , ,

Oh time, you have once again rushed past me again. Things are going alright with Selena, with the season of sickness upon us, we are going to be seeing a lot of behaviors flare up as her mood and immunity levels decrease. We will just be there for her and move forward with our pursuit of happiness. I haven’t gotten to write in a while, but we are back on her meds full time which is a major help. We are a promise center and a light blue petal into our Daisy adventures and we are going to start working on our orange petal – being responsible for what I say and do. This should be interesting. We have started doing chores at the house already to kind of prep her up for it, and some of the things on there are not activities that she does very well, so when she does achieve them by herself, they mean much more to her because there is a visual aid to back it up, also money…everyone loves money.

Halloween is coming up and we have been making crafts, carving pumpkins, planting pumpkin seeds (which grow at a phenomenal rate) and getting our costumes fine tuned for the big day! I had to hide her costume from her because I’m sure she would’ve worn it out before she’d gotten to wear it out at trick-or-treating. Getting her ready to trick or treat is easy, but getting to change the subject after it’s all done with is a whole different story. Last year we were knocking on doors and asking for trick or treat over and over for months until Christmas came along. We’d have to relive Halloween again and again. Now, I love my child, but there comes a time when you have to say ENOUGH!!!!

She’s been doing really good in school and just lately has she started really acting out. Yesterday was a 2 hour meltdown, refusing to eat until everyone left the classroom and then refused to do any work at all. What reason might you ask? She said her heart was beating fast. Ok. So we’ll be there for her, explain that we have bad days and talk her up for tomorrow.

We have come to the holiday season and her anxiety level is going to increase, so I fear that her issues and behaviors are going to come alive again. However, we are seasoned players now and we have a better grasp on what we can do for her to help her cope with all the feelings she has. I will try to write again tomorrow, you caught me at the tail end of the day.



September 10, 2012 September 11, 2012

Filed under: The Usual — Chobie @ 2:05 am
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Another post, so soon! I know, I know! Selena has just been going through some more of her old behaviors and I wanted to get them jotted down while they were still fresh in my mind. I am not sure about what’s going on with her, but I’m trying to get to the bottom of it. The best way to do that is to increase recording of events, add times (if possible) and look for patterns. So on that note, I shall continue with what’s going on with her as of late.

The rest of the weekend went well, Sunday we had lots of fun around the house playing pretend, went swimming at Mahja’s (brrr it was cloudy and the weather was rainy off and on), eating a yummy dinner at Mahja’s house, then back to our house to round up their belongings and then we had to bring them back to their mom’s. Selena was repeating almost everything Daddy and myself were saying, including directions and what we wanted them to do. When we did a bit of light shopping for necessary supplies, Selena was yelling at them to hurry up, don’t touch anything and to “come on, come on”. I would like to add that we don’t talk like that to them, we rarely ask them to keep up with us, but we aren’t rude about it. Oh I almost forgot! They had a test of patience at the store when we were looking for new flip-flops for the girls. Emma and Selena had found matching flips and we were having a lot of problems trying to find a pair that was Hope’s size. No luck. How do you have 1 size smaller than 8 and 1 size larger than 8 with an entire Wal-Mart shoe section completely lacking to have one pair that fit her tiny little feet. That caused some serious tidal waves in our shopping experience, so none of them got to get shoes because Hope wanted us to get her dress shoes instead and well…that wasn’t going to happen and she didn’t feel it was fair for them to get flips and not her. Ugh. So while we were trying to resolve this issue, Selena was reminding us constantly to hurry up and to move on while pacing around the shoe aisle, Emma chilling on a seat and Hope frantically searching the shoes and crying. Daddy to the rescue! He helped calm Hope down, we moved on and finished our shopping trip with 3 extra ring pops and smiles all around. In the van, the girls like to sing and play pretend and generally have a great time. Selena didn’t want anything to do with them majority of the time and resisted joining in their activities. She did join in a few times, but mostly she sat their quietly.

I would like to add that when they were swimming, they all did a really great job and the goggles that Mahja got for them, are SO CUTE! They all look absolutely adorable in them. Selena has happy that she was ‘swimming’ again and she considered herself a full fledged mermaid. We tried to get her to move both her hands and feet simultaneously while she was swimming and it is just too confusing for her to hold her breath, kick her feet, paddle her hands and keep her bearings all at the same time. She is getting there, it’s just going to take a lot more time and practice than the other girls. Selena had a blast and was very excited with herself so that’s all that matters to me. I just want to see her happy.

At the table she didn’t eat a whole lot and didn’t join in our conversations. During the favorite time of the day talk, she couldn’t pick out an activity for that day and was picking things from the previous day. I tried to explain to her what happened that day and she just wouldn’t have any part of it.  I have noticed that more and more she closes her eyes and rolls them back when she’s eating. Also I have to cut everything up into perfect bite sizes because she doesn’t judge how large it is and will just shove the whole thing in her mouth. She complained of her belly hurting and being full more often lately. She wanted to go lay down during almost every meal and just looks drained.

She’s been going to bed super early lately and it usually is a challenge for her to get to bed. Now it’s a challenge to get her to stay awake! She was becoming so independent in the morning. Walking to the bathroom, helping getting dressed, brushing her own teeth, even attempting to brush her own hair. Now she isn’t wanting to walk to the bathroom anymore, she doesn’t want to get dressed, asking her to brush her teeth and hair is instant meltdown. She cries, screams out, stiffens up, shakes and refuses to do what is asked of her. Selena repeats over and over that, ‘her hands are tired’, ‘her legs are broken’, ‘her arms are broken’, ‘her belly hurts’, while crying and refusing to do what is asked. She will put her hands right up to her mouth, half an inch away and she’ll say she can’t reach. It has become a nightmare anymore and I am struggling to get her back to where she was.

School is going alright, however she is starting to have meltdowns in class, climbing under desks and refusing to do her work. She also isn’t really eating her meals in school, but she is eating her green beans… lots and lots of green beans. She is addicted to them now! I think she is doing well in after care because she gets a fresh dose of her medication and it is in full swing when she gets in with all those other children.

At home she has been quiet, even after school she is constantly telling us her arms are broken and her legs are broken. She’s been running in circles a lot more than  usual and hanging upside down off the couch rather frequently. She has been doing more side ways looking and eye rolling. She’s being more defiant when it comes to simple things like going potty and telling us she can’t do it and throwing herself around. Selena will tell us she has to go to the bathroom, we give her the ‘okay’ to go (since she feels she requires permission every time she goes) and she then pitches a fit and tells us she can’t do it. Her independence level is decreasing even though her age increases. I don’t understand what’s going on with her and I don’t know what I can do to help her any more than we already are.

Today she just looked so tired, run down, ready to give in for the day. After dinner she didn’t even get up from the table and was falling asleep at the table, Daddy had to carry her. I’m going to keep my eye on her a bit closer and be writing more frequently until we can get to the bottom of it.

On a side note, I got the contact number for the other woman who is going to be leading the troop with me, gave her a call and left a message. I hope I hear back from her soon, as I am getting the list of girls tomorrow, calling the school tomorrow to see if we can use their facility for our meetings and going to the scout shop to get all our leader/daisy goodies! Selena is very excited at the thought of Girl Scouts and can’t wait for our first meeting. Daddy is going to be a troop helper and it’s going to be a lot of fun, even though I’m still really nervous.

Also, you guys rock!!! Some of our most near and dear friends have so selflessly donated to Selena’s Instride fundraiser! Pauline, Erin & Gareth, Pat & Bill, Aunt Becky, Uncle Greg & Aunt Loretta, and Grammy & Papa to only name a few. We have almost reached our goal, which means we’ll just have to make it higher! There is still time if you feel like giving 🙂 We love you all so much and I truly can’t express my appreciation or gratitude enough for your awesome acts of kindness.  Everyone is welcome to attend her session on Sat. Oct. 6th, I think they said they will have games and stuff set up to make it more fun and interesting. We’ll have to see!

Much love



September 8, 2012 September 9, 2012

Filed under: The Usual — Chobie @ 3:05 am
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Oh gosh, what has happened since I wrote last. Let’s see, we’ve got the girls over this weekend, we had a neurology test done on Selena, she’s back on her meds, we’ve had some pretty typical Selena behaviors pop back up and life goes on some more!

First, let me tell you about her EEG she had done. Selena’s behavioral pediatrician wanted us to get a neuro consult done, so naturally we followed through with doctor’s orders. We tried to prepare Selena for the test since Daddy filled me in that the EEG is where they put nodes on your scalp and they gather brain activity. So we tell Selena they are going to put stickers on her head, that it won’t hurt at all and that we’ll be right there with her through the whole thing. She was a bit nervous about it, but she was telling people that she was having a test on her brain done. She asked why she had to have the test done and I explained to her that they were going to show us just how smart she was and how perfect her brain was. I wasn’t sure what they were going to be looking for or what to expect so I didn’t want to scare her and tell her the ‘truth’. She would then tell me that they were going to tell us how smart she was. Good enough for me!! They said we had to get her as sleep deprived as we could and boy did we try! Now that she’s on the right medication schedule, she has been putting herself to bed around 8:45-9:00 every night. So, when it became about 9:00 she started with the, “It’s time to get ready for bed” routine. I told her she needed to stay up and about every 10 minutes she would remind us that her eyes were very tired and that she needed to go on the potty and get ready for bed. It was rather cute although she was getting more and more upset as the time went by. Me and Daddy each had a long day and we were pretty tired ourselves so it was a stretch for us to stay up ‘late’ too and I was curious on how in the world we were going to pull that off! Around 10 she was rather agitated and was to the point of arguing with us about how she needed to go to bed and how her eyes were very, very, very, very, very sleepy and that she just had to go to bed. Needless to say, she fell asleep on the couch around 11 and we put her to bed. Our destination was St. Pete and we had to be there at 8 am, so we had an early wake up call. She was not thrilled about that either, but we pressed on, made it up there and had the test. We went into the testing room which was pretty small and straight to the point. The woman who was doing the EEG was awesome with kids (well she should be, she works in a pediatric neurology office) and explained to Selena what was going to happen. Selena was naturally nervous and Daddy was right there to take her hand, per her request. I would like to note that I was totally unprepared for all the paper work, my purse was a disaster (which I had to sift through) and I was very thankful that Daddy was there for Selena. They gave her ‘rainbow’ hair with all the electrodes sticking out and wrapped her head up in gauze. She did everything asked of her, although she didn’t like to answer questions like, “Can you name something that is red?” or “What is your favorite color?”, she did pretty good and the result of the tests shows that she doesn’t have epilepsy or seizures. Her doctor wanted to rule that possibility out because children who have autism can also suffer from epilepsy and also that their behaviors could be linked to seizures. That’s great news! We were also complimented on being great parents, that’s always nice.

After the test, we headed back to Sarasota to pick up her medication and they counted wrong! They were 30 pills short! Good thing I counted before we left or I would have been extremely mad! I went back in and they said that it would be filled within the week, that is so frustrating! I could only make it there because it was my day off during the week, I don’t get out of work early enough to make it 30 minutes north to her pharmacy. So now I have to get up there Monday (they’re open till 8pm) and be home an hour late. Ugh. Oh and her pediatrician had said that her medication wasn’t covered by medicaid, well…it is and she just didn’t want to fill out the form? Either way, I got a copy of it and when we go to her next appointment, I’ll be sure to bring it and have her fill it out so we don’t have to jump through these hoops again!

We picked Emma and Hope up on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, and I had to work late so that was pretty stinky. I always love it when they’re with us and when I get home, they rush out to see me and it always makes me smile! Daddy had dinner ready, dinosaur chicken nuggets, mac & cheese and hot dogs for Selena. They always dress up in these really cool costumes and outfits, they definitely know how to play pretend! Dinner is always fun when we have the dino-nuggets, because they like to make rawrs and bite their ranch covered heads off. Just 3 more days until they get to spend the weekend with us! We’re always so excited when it’s our weekends with them, Daddy and myself talk for days about all the fun things we can do! This weekend will be pretty busy though, seeing how we have horses, my Girl Scout leader meeting (I’ll get to that), swimming with Mahja, possibly some cookie baking and who knows what else!

Nothing else really happened before the girls arrived, just work and sleep. Selena has been a bit more defiant but with her getting back on 3 times a day, she’s starting to mellow back out. Mornings have been really bad lately and she has been fighting me to do everything, throwing herself on the ground when requesting to do simple tasks like brushing her teeth. Something is happening to her lately and I’m not sure if it’s something at school, at home or this time of year. We are going to start seeing her do more things because holidays are about to start back up. I only hope we can keep her from chewing her fingers again, oi vey. School is going alright, she has settled in and is now starting her meltdowns at school, but they seem to be further apart (or at least they aren’t writing everything down). She has also not really been eating at all, which is odd because one of the side affects of her medication is increased appetite, and that really hasn’t been happening. I hope that her experience in after care doesn’t get worse since she’s starting to act out in school. Side note, Emma is rocking at school and Hope was nervous for nothing, she’s loving kindergarten.

Daddy picked up all the girls on Friday and the weekend has officially begun! We had salisbury steaks, potatoes, corn and of course dessert, which was fudge bars (the big ones!). Bath time, movie time and they were out. That’s good, because Saturday is going to be a busy day. Early morning wake ups by the girls and we’re off to a start before 7:30. Mornings movies and play time then it’s time for the library for the Girl Scout leader meeting. It was the first time Emma and Hope got to play in ‘our’ library, they had a blast! There are more toys there than at the library they are used to going to. I went into the meeting thinking that I was going to be a co-leader for Selena’s Daisy troop and I walked out of there being the leader for the troop. I am so stoked and nervous at the same time! That means that I will have more to post about! This is going to be a lot of fun and Daddy has said that he wants to help with the troop too!! So far we are up to 12 Daisy scouts interested in being in our troop. Holy cow!  When I was greeted by the rest of the family, they all had their special movies they picked out and were very excited to get to watch them later. We were off to horses!

At horses they did really well waiting patiently for Selena to get done, visiting all the other horses and waving to Selena. InStride is having their annual Giddy-Up fundraiser and we’ve begun taking pledges on Selena’s behalf. They have an online donation page set up which will go directly under Selena’s name. If you would like to give a monetary donation or would just like to go check out our pledge page (has a cute pic of her and her horse) please follow this link. http://instride.dojiggy.com/ng/index.cfm/aa1a98e/regPages/pledge/SELENA/  I don’t like asking my friends and family for money because I know how hard it is right now financially and every penny gained is a penny earned but if you are able, willing and wanting to donate to a program, click that link. Hehe. Don’t worry, we still love you, no matter what you do!

It’s now Saturday night, Emma has been sitting here proofreading almost my whole post, we have a busy day tomorrow and I’m ready to spend some time with Daddy before we pass out ourselves.


*For the record, 8 year olds can try really hard to proofread but they don’t know all the rules of English or grammar yet, so it makes it a bit difficult. Although her input is greatly appreciated 🙂 I have edited the post now that she’s passed out.


March 11, 2012 March 11, 2012

Filed under: The Usual — Chobie @ 4:34 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

If it isn’t one thing, it’s another!!!! The day I wrote the previous post (Thursday), I get to school to pick her up from aftercare. As I walk in, I hear the teacher telling Selena over and over that she needs to sit and wait for me to sign her out. The teacher comes up and in passing says that she was really ‘trying her patience today’ and that the ‘honeymoon was over’. Boy, did I call that or what?! So that was Thursday and we were getting ready for the big Pride-a-Thon on Friday! We gathered up our masses and headed over to Grammy and PaPa’s to see if we could recruit some sponsors. How would they be able to resist the urge to help out Selena with her cuteness? A big, big, big THANK YOU to everyone who contributed to her Pride-a-Thon, that money helps her school out in such a big way!! Plus it was Diva Day!! Which meant that she could wear her super elegant Birthday Dress to school!

Dun, dun, dun. Unfortunately, she was unable to actually run in the Pride-a-Thon due to a quick case of the stomach flu. Really?! Really?! The ONE day she’s sick in the past few YEARS just HAD to be that day? Super sad face. That morning she woke up saying her belly hurt. Time to make the assessment! No fever, no vomiting, lower abdominal pain. I labeled it as having either gas or constipation and had her sit on the potty until the bus came. Nada. Not a kerplunk to be heard. Alright. I felt bad sending her to school with a belly ache, but if it’s either of the 2, I can’t really do much and her body has to take care of it with the help of some juices. I pep talk her and try to get her to understand that if she’s not feeling better, then I will come get her.  About an hour and a half into my work day, I get the call. Ah man. I call the school back, they have her laying down in the nurses station. I explain the situation and they agree to let her lay there and see if she’ll pass anything or get worse. Since I am already planning on going to see her run her lil tail off, I get out of work and call the school to see if she’s doing better. She’s back in her classroom! Yay! But, she’s been sitting on the potty a lot, crying and being held by an aide (she fell asleep in her lap). At this point I feel terrible for her and since I was already planning on going there to watch her run, I’ll just go pick her up.

As I get the school in my visuals, my phone starts to ring. The school again, asking where I am at and how close I was. I ask the dreadful, “I can see the school now, what’s wrong?” I get the report that Selena had just started vomiting. CRAP! We’ve now gone from a belly rub and some pear juice, to a possible flu contamination. No sooner do I get in the office, do I see her teacher walking her through the double doors. White as a sheet and looking so weak. Her teacher explains that Selena decided she still wanted to run in the Pride-a-Thon (Go Selena for having determination even though she felt terrible) and as they got lined up…up it came… So my decision to go there was the best one I could have unknowingly made that day and I bet Selena was thankful she didn’t have to go back into the nurses station and could just go right home with me. I came semi prepared and had one of her favorite little frogs with me, the one from the happy meals lately, so I was hoping that would comfort her a little bit. I scooped her up and she clung on, repeating over and over, “I’m sick Mommy.” I love taking care of people, so as unfortunate it was for her to be sick, it gave me a bit of pep in my step.

On the way home, she asked me the cutest thing. “Mommy, can you make me soup, so I’ll be all better?” I say yes, and then I began to question how sick she really was. And for the following reason.  She begins to talk to the frog and the kitty, which lives in one of her slippers, and also talks for them. Having a conversation about how I’m going to make her soup, and that they’re going to help.  We get home and I get her laid on the couch while I got the supplies ready and the whole time I’m doing this, she is talking to her ‘friends’ about how she shouldn’t be scared and that they’re going to help make her all better. First thing was some soup since she asked for it and I wanted to get some fluids back in her since she just lost everything. Gobbled the broth right down! That’s a good sign. Then a bath, since she had some unmentionables in her hair from her disastrous incident at school. Get her all settled and just about every time she’d just about fall asleep, she’d have to get up and run to the bathroom. Not constipation…check. No vomiting…check. No fever….check. On a good note, at least this happened on a Friday and not in the middle of the week. And also, right before spring break, so in the unlikely case that this will last more than 2 days, we’re also in the clear.

Sidenote, I remember all the times we had gotten sick as children and my parents would always put a sheet on the couch and set us up out in the living room, and I remember that being such a safe place to be. Rather than in my bedroom all alone and sick. So I made sure to carry on the tradition and got Selena’s favorite sheet (which is the one that matches the ones on our bed) and even gave her my pillows to lay on, so that she would feel comfortable in her time of discomfort. She snuggled in pretty quickly and from then on it was movie time. No complaints, just the frequent run to the bathroom. Felt like a fever, so I was giving her some medicine for that.

Night time went TERRIBLE. I let her fall asleep to Rapunzel silently dancing on the screen and woke her up later to see if she had to go potty, since her belly was so rotten. Good thing I did! She had an accident in her britches, which I was unaware of until I noticed my thigh was a bit wet. Get her all cleaned up and about 5 minutes after she gets back to sleep, she starts whining, sits up and vomits all over my arm. What an act of love. She has always been a sleep thrower-upper. Get that all cleaned up and get her back to sleep. Every few hours she’s whining and moving around. What a long night!

Saturday went a bit better. Unkie came over so I could go get some supplies, her belly was blowing up left and right! Imodium thank you, my savior, Selena’s savior. Gotta understand something about Selena, if she is sick, she will rarely display it, it takes A LOT to knock her down. If she is able to move around, she will. So now that the belly cramps have stopped, she is determined to jump on everything. No, no, no. SIT DOWN! Aaaaah!!! Just….stop…moving… Good day, we built a tent out back on the clothes lines with some sheets. She now has a love for tents and wants to spend every waking moment out there. Decent night, other than her being crabby because, well, she’s still sick. Get her settled on the couch again and she had a rough time sleeping. Tossing, turning, up to the potty, back down again. More Imodium. I fell asleep half perching on the couch with my hand on her belly. I wake up, parts of my body had fallen asleep that I didn’t know was possible. She’s sound asleep. Not sooner do I get to sleep on the other end of the couch, and she wakes up. SON OF A…..

This morning I can tell she’s feeling better. She asked for green eggs and ham. I obliged with the green eggs, which she ate about half of. No runs to the potty yet and back outside having a tea party with Clifford in her tent.

Her Growums seeds have started, 3 tomato and 5 basil seedlings have sprouted and are reaching to the sky!! Come on peppers and oregano seeds. I bet we’ll be getting an email here soon, showing us the next step. Such a cool thing. You register when you get the garden kit and it sends you email videos on how to grow your garden. Talking vegetables and all. Too cute.

OOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I know this is long, but before I go, I want to tell you about one more thing. Super duper cool, super awesome for not only your family, but someone else, on the other side of the world! Books! Books! Books! I love them, Selena loves them, you should too! Everyone needs them and there are quite a few countries who simply cannot afford to get books for their children to have in their cities. Think. No library? No way to help your children grow? That’s terrible. So. As I was digging through all my mounds and mounds of paperwork, ugh, I found the flyer my daughter’s school sent home. http://www.wegivebooks.org There has been over 911,600 books read to date! They have given so many books to such underdeveloped countries and you don’t have to invest a single dime to make this happen for people less fortunate. Free. We love free! 174 books they have, ranging from all ages, from ages 0-10 at the moment and adding in 11-teens soon. Make an account. Read a book, every book you read, they donate a book. They have 7 different campaigns you can chose from, that your reading will directly benefit. They just got done giving out 150,000 books to our schools. You’re thinking…read a book online.. .all words no pictures, going to be boring? No way!! They have scanned these books directly as you would see it in physical form and you can zoom in and watch the pages turn. Awesome. Check it out. And the best part…you don’t even need to have children to help out. Check it out!!! http://www.wegivebooks.org

This is Ramblin’ J signing out, for now



March 7, 2012 March 7, 2012

Filed under: The Usual — Chobie @ 11:18 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Things are looking good! Selena is doing really well in the aftercare, it is still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase so I’m curious as to how she’s going to do on a day when she doesn’t want to be there. It’s all so new to her! She told me that she didn’t want her ‘old’ class anymore (kindergarten) and just her ‘new’ one (after care). I explained that it doesn’t work that way. I don’t know if she gets it, but we’ll see. I have been trying to let her get a feel for it, but I must admit, I’ve been picking her up kind of early and not letting her get the full gambit of the aftercare. So tomorrow, as hard as it will be, she will be there until 5:30. Oi vey. She’s the best part of my day and I love it when she sees me after a day away, she’s so happy and that smile just lights up my life. But like I said, I would like to see how she does, and how the instructors handle her, at her worst in a cafeteria of 90+ kids and 17 kids under her teacher. EEEEEK. She’s good now, yea, because it’s all new and she is meeting new people (that she can boss around). Wait for a rainy day when she’s used to going on the playground but instead, they are all squished in the cafeteria. One day at a time, right?

Everything is turned into for hippotherapy and hopefully that starts sooner than later. I think after the initial visit and meeting everyone, that she will grow to love it and not only will it help her with her behaviors but she will get to experience something only a handful get to do. If riding a horse for a half hour once a week helps with Selena being able to grasp her emotions better and handle herself in situations that she doesn’t particularly agree with, then I am all for it! Go InStride!  http://instridetherapy.org/pages/ that is their site. One of my clients is on the homepage, how cool. Such a great program and company, I couldn’t have been more thankful than to have been introduced to something like this. I never even knew it existed. I wonder if they turn in Box Tops too. 😛 just kidding. I am excited to see all they have to offer and am looking forward to helping with a fundraiser or 2. First though, to jump through all the insurance hoops and get her started!

Hush, her goldfish from the fair, passed away yesterday. It was undetected until after school, which is probably for the best. I kneeled down and took her hand and tried to explain it in a way that would be most beneficial to her. All I got was a look. Her face went blank, she zoned out for a moment or 2. I gave her a hug and said that Hush is in a better place now (I didn’t tell her I flushed him) and that if she wanted, we could get a Hush 2. She told me that she wanted 2 new fish and wanted to name one of them lalamoheela. I’m not sure if I want to revisit these feelings, because it is hard enough for her to answer me with how her day went. No idea what she’s feeling or if she has even thought about it anymore. We tried. Zip lock goldfish don’t tend to last too long, I’m glad we got a week and a half out of it.

I have noticed that she is becoming quite the OCD queen. It is not so much the rituals or anything that I’ve been noticing, it’s just like I have to do it how she wants it to a T or she gets angry and redoes it or yells at me. I’m going to keep my eye on this and see if it’s always been like this, but I’m just taking notice now, or if it’s something that is developing. She has been angry with me lately, we’ve had some changes around the house so I can give her some leeway with that, but man she’s been mean and angry! The things she’s been saying, I have just been shocked and rather hurt. I have to realize that she doesn’t fully grasp everything she’s saying, so I’m not taking it to heart, but the fact that she still thought those things, upsets me. So I’ve been trying to have some more bonding time with her and show her that I love her with everything I got. She’s been throwing things at me. Shoes, marbles, books….etc. Dunno why…but I am trying to get her to stop! She’s been defiant and extra mouthy. She has been more resistant to my requests for her to do things. She has been ignoring me when I speak to her. It was going good and she was reacting when I called her name, seeing what I wanted, etc. Now, I will be in the same room, looking at her, talking to her and she is just flat out ignoring me. I have been having to physically touch her to get her attention. The nail biting is trying to resurface, which is a scary thought. At least all the bug bites have been keeping her distracted. Can we make non removable bandaids? Please!

Bed time has become an issue as well. Trying to enforce an earlier bed time because she just will not go to sleep. So, I’m stuck there then. We fight to get her to comply to get ready for bed. We finally get into bed, and then she just lays there and turns and tosses. So what would getting her in bed early do? Give her more time to play in the dark? Frustrating this is. Another thing. She has been wanting to sleep with me in our bed. Wanting me to lay with her in her bed. Complaining that her bed is too magical, too bouncy, too this, too that. I did give in once and let her crash in our bed, shame shame, but I really didn’t feel like fighting with her that night. It is just so odd. I remember I had asked her if she wanted me to lay with her or anything in the past, and she has always replied with, “This is MY bed Mommy.” At least it has calmed down from every night to every other other night now.

Oh yea…. her teeth. Turns out she has the 2 bottom teeth coming through behind her baby teeth. (It feels like I’ve already talked about this once before) So I am waiting to receive the appointment from the ONE dentist in our county that accepts our insurance….Could take a few weeks to get the appointment and then a few more weeks to get her in. I think they’ll be ready to have work done on them by then. They are just now crowning through the skin. I bet that feels lovely as well. Poor thang. Can’t one thing just go right?!?!

Good things. She loves to garden with me out back! We got some pretty pink flowers from PaPa and planted them in the ground, so she’s in charge of watering them with her little watering pail that she got from Bobbi and Unkie. I have one of those bathroom trash cans, I fill it up with water (it’s her ‘well’) and that’s how much water she gets to water the flowers with. I know that she will get about half of that water onto the plants, the rest she is watering the weeds in the yard and the dirt. Haha. Too cute. I like to let her go outside and do that independently so that she feels good about herself. Not always having to have someone right there showing her how to do it, or correcting her. Lets her feel like a big girl! We have the seeds germinating from the Growums garden that Unkie and Bobbi got for her birthday. I’m excited to see her face as these plants start producing yummies!!!

We’ll get there. One day at a time. Tackle behaviors one at a time and try to help her understand that life doesn’t have to be so difficult. After we get past the “I’m stuck!!!!!”…..again?!?! Gaaaaaah!!!!! (Sorry for any ranting, my mind is in a ranting mood)