Dirty Shoes

Join us with our journey through Autism Spectrum Disorder

March 29, 2015 March 30, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — Chobie @ 1:16 am

Well hello there! I hope your day is chugging along nicely by the time you are reading this! We were finally able to celebrate Selena’s 9th birthday with a slumber party! It was a great day. We started with some family games in Selena’s nice clean room, which took about 2 months for her to get to that point of “cleanliness”. We threw a ton of egg shells filled with paint at the fence again, that is always a blast. Jacob played in the yard with Grammy, Papa, and Linda while I scurried around trying to clean up last minute before everyone arrived. It is so nice to have so many extra sets of hands around to help entertain and keep Jacob preoccupied so I can sharknado around the house. Ben grilled some great food up for us, while the kids played with bubbles and drew all over the fence with chalk. I think that the best part of having older kids over for a party is that I can have a guideline of what to do and just let them go and have fun, intervening as I sense boredom setting in. Selena was TICKLED PINK! I would like to say that she is so adorable to watch while opening up gifts. She loves everything, was looking forward to the gifts she received and seems truly thankful for them. The slumber portion of the part ensued, the few girls that stayed had a blast, I had an evening of excitement planned out. Every night before the party, she would exclaim to me about how excited she was to be having a party finally, and that she is glad that I didn’t forget about it. I am sure that when she gets older and finally realizes and understands just how crazy life is for us right now, she will hopefully not resent me for things that happened during this phase of our life.

Oh, this phase of our life is ever changing and I am excited to see what tomorrow brings for us. She is confused though and wants Daddy to come home, however that is just not an option. I have respect for myself and my children, and do not want to teach them that certain types of behavior is acceptable, when it certainly is not. I am going to get us both into some family counseling, and maybe some 1 on 1 counseling for her so that she can maybe get some understanding on her feelings, and help overcome some negative feelings and emotions I am sure she is having. I am trying to do positive reinforcements and boost her up when I can tell she is being down, however she was acting out in such a way that I had to restrict her fun time activities and have her focus more on chores and getting our home straightened back up. Nothing like packing up an entire house to find out that you don’t have to move 4 days before the big day! I am very thankful that we didn’t have to move, and I am sure Selena is relieved as well. When that was all happening, she was probably more relieved than myself when she found out that we could keep our house!

So, she is 9, the attitude is ensuing, the hormones are going to start racing soon, as with puberty. Oh boy, puberty. I have begun to lightly talk about it to her, adding humor into the equation, so that she can get comfortable with the idea of it happening and hopefully comfortable enough to talk to me about the changes her body will face. She isn’t really growing any taller anymore, and her peers have always towered above her. Now the children in grades lower than her are also starting to tower over her, and it makes me wonder about her developmental timeline. I understand that children who are within the spectrum do not mature and grow as quickly as us “normal” folks, and her mental age is a few years back, so I expect it to be a slow process for her. Don’t get me wrong, I am FINE with that, however it makes the timeline for discussion kind of cloudy. I don’t want to start talking about it too soon for her and have her wonder what’s wrong with her since she hasn’t gone through those things yet, and on the flip side, I don’t want these changes to pop up one day and her be completely unprepared. Oh life, why must we live in such a gray area, why can’t things be black and white?! I guess that’s the thrill in this wonderful thing we call life.

She is doing well academically, she in on point with her peers, however I am not sure how that is since she never brings home homework and I know that Emma was bringing home tons and tons of homework in 3rd grade. I don’t doubt the ability of her teachers, but she needs to become more prepared for higher grades and get used to doing work outside of school. I have workbooks here for her to do, however it would be nice to have something that is directly related to what she is doing in class.

Proud Mommy Moment Alert! I am enrolled in this Healthy Families program where they come to the home every week or every other week and bring activities to do with Jacob, and all sorts of other information. They brought me some safety items like baby gates, cabinet locks, etc to help ensure that he is safe during this point of his little exploring life. Anyway, they put on this Easter celebration, complete with an egg hunt. Well, she was one of the oldest kids there and she has always done poorly at egg hunts because of her high levels of anxiety. Not here she didn’t! There were eggs EVERYWHERE and boy did she scoop them up in a hurry. Upon noticing that she was taking the “lead” in her little world where everything is a competition (gee I wonder where she gets that’s from ūüėČ ) I brought it to her attention that she had A LOT of eggs and that some of the smaller children were still getting started. So my awesome daughter took it upon herself to hide and scatter about 90% of what she found, leaving only 4 eggs in her once overflowing basket. That warmed my heart that she did it so effortlessly and without a hesitation. There was this adorable little girl in one of her best dresses, freshly made bunny paper bag in her little hand and holding onto Momma’s hand just looking around aimlessly for eggs to pick up in an area where the lands had been decimated by the older children. Selena saw her looking for eggs, hurried in front of her and dropped eggs in her path so that she could also find some treats and gain one of her first egg hunting experiences. My daughter may not always be understood, and her ways a little whacky at times, but underneath it all she has such an amazing soul and I hope she can shine her light on the people she meets. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for someone as talented, sweet, ornery, and cheerful as she is.

Everyday I am getting more and more proud of who she is and who she is becoming, it makes it seem as though I am doing a fairly decent job, although I know genetics play a role in her personality development.


August 22, 2014 August 23, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — Chobie @ 1:21 am

So, I am not of the religious sorts, however I do have a sense of faith and understanding that I should do good. Lately things have been dark, although I mask it well on the webz. Last night I sure did get my sign saying, perk the fck up life is great, be thankful. We were getting bubs ready for a bath, Robble takes him to get him nekkid and I was getting the tub ready…well the sling looked wonky so I took it apart and well….broke it. As Robble is waiting for me with a nekkid babe in his hands, I do a switcheroo and trade him, so he could fix the sling. We get fidgity and I plop into the tub, clothes and all, ready to say screw it and get bubs washed before he poops or pees on everything. This is where it gets painfully interesting. I am sitting there at the opposite end of the tub, Jacob in my hands and I look up at the shower head. Before I know it, the soap caddy, 2 full shelves, 1 soap & hook layer, all metal…FALLS on my damn shin! Are you serious??? Ouch! That hurt. My jaw drops, I pull him close to me as he starts crying because it startled him. That could’ve been him. It could’ve landed right on his head and chest. All these bottles and this metal rack could’ve really fcked him up. Something was watching out for our little squish and I am thankful. This isn’t the first time I have been saved and I’m sure it isn’t the last. I am thankful that it was me and not him. Thankful that I decided to screw with the sling. Not only did we have a bonding moment but I saved us an ER trip.


August 23, 2012 August 24, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Chobie @ 1:14 am

     *Sigh* What a stressful day, I am ready for it to be over. Selena was a sweet heart, it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with life.

Last weekend was good, Selena went to Papa and Grammy’s house, she had fun. Selena hasn’t been feeling too well, so she put herself to bed early and got herself up early too. They watered plants, played in the Grammy made sprinkler and generally had a good time. It’s always so cute when we go and pick her up, because she always tells us what she ate and always with these big eyes. Selena has been very excited to start school and it was only a few days away! We got all her supplies and clothes during the tax free weekend so we were all set there, especially since she wears school uniforms everyday but Friday, a.k.a. Diva Day!! Selena had started coughing a day or 2 before she went to her grandparents and had been acting a bit run down, I just figured she had been infected with the head cold that was going around. Sunday, we get her back and she is tired, sleepy and coughing pretty intensely now. Gave her some medicine and was worried that the first day of school was going to be spoiled because of the pink eye drops (which she hates getting) and the head cold that she now possessed.

Well, I worried too much, she did great her first day and her second day and her third day AND her fourth day. In school and in aftercare, even though she is only in aftercare for about an hour and a half. She keeps coming home with smiley faces through her whole schedule and some pretty cool art pictures which I will have to talk myself into disposing one day, a long way away from now.

Wednesday went great with the girls, they were all wound up and were having a great night. Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets were the highlight of the meal.

Tomorrow is Diva Day and we’re going to have Selena so primped and dolled up, she’s going to be spectacular! We also get the girls tomorrow for the weekend, which is going to be interesting and probably an indoor kind of weekend seeing as we are counting down the days until hurricane Issac is supposed to be upon us.



July 9, 2012 July 10, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Chobie @ 11:30 am

This summer has been ridiculously hectic and not in a good way! Schedules constantly changing, always having to be shifted and recalculated. I have officially begun to despise summer break. I only hope that next year isn’t quite so crazy, which I’m sure it will be. We have been discussing trying to find a school that can accommodate Selena and also offer a full year schooling, to cut away from the schedule changes, meltdowns and negative behaviors. Let me see if I can list all the behaviors we have encountered since school has let out. Oh and we are back to using mittens to try to curve Selena’s picking problems. She is not even upset about using them, will tell you that she’s picking and chill with her mittens on. Hopefully it helps!!!


  • Picking at bites and causing huge sores on locations without any skin breakage
  • Nail biting
  • Refusing to walk more often
  • Throwing trays
  • Kicking and punching
  • Yelling and screaming
  • Being defiant
  • Straight up telling us ‘NO’ when asked to do things
  • Touching ‚Äď excessively ‘stroking’ Emma and Hope’s arms, faces
  • Hard time going to sleep
  • Refusing to do ‘fun activities’ ‚Äď going on the playground, etc.
  • Won’t cooperate on the bus, with certain occasions ‚Äď had to remove her one day due to safety reasons
  • Not as willing to play with Emma and Hope, ignoring them as well


She was kicked out of the Boys and Girls club 4 days in, but we kind of figured that was going to happen. We only tried them out because we had run out of time and hadn’t found any other place for her to go. Day 1, she was picked up around 11:30 AM because they didn’t tell her they were moving to another area and she ran to find a safe spot and ended up in a corner in the gym…for about 2 hours. Day 2, she made it through the whole day. Day 3, she hid under the table and wouldn’t come out. Started screaming and kicking, ended up kicking the director, had to leave early. Day 4, seemed to have been going alright, and then Daddy got there…he heard her screaming from outside and when he walked in, he saw her punching the director of the club. She was going for blood, she was very angry and didn’t like it there at all. She was removed from the club on Friday at 5:30! EEEEEK!!! What a great way to kick start a weekend! And to make things worse, summer school was starting on Monday, the bus was scheduled to drop her off there and she was not allowed to come back! Time to call in some favors!!

Thank goodness for one of her teachers, Ms. Stornes, her family was available to not only watch her, but also pick her up from school! What a blessing! She didn’t do well in summer school at all to begin with! She has been throwing things, screaming, kicking and being a very rough child. She got to go swimming, watch movies and have a blast at Ms. Stornes house though. Unfortunately, that was short lived as Ms. Stornes and her family had lots of summer travels to get to. My family was able to help out and Daddy was able to pick her up as well. Also Ms. Kim, her ‘grandma in-kinda-law’ hung out with her on some Fridays and they got to go to some garage sales and other fun stuff. Night overs with Grammy and Papa through the week was a treat for Selena as well. That gave us just enough time to arrange the new babysitter, Ms. Tamika. Which was perfectly timed because Daddy got a new job with extended hours.

I understand that all this change is very difficult for her to take in and the more we change things, the harder it is for her to adjust. We can’t expect her to walk into all these new situations with a smile and a light step, we would be foolish to believe she can handle all of this. No school on Fridays, part school days through the week. It’s a lot of her to adjust to. It’s also difficult for us to not punish her for the things she has done wrong, she needs to be made aware that those kinds of behaviors are not acceptable. Some things we just give a few words for, and others we have her write out apology letters and face grounding. It is difficult for us to figure out just how far to punish her, because of her circumstances. That is an interesting question that I’m going to bring up to her pediatrician, so we can help her be better and not punish her for things that she doesn’t have control over. I just want to help her become a more successful and happier child.

Enough of the negative Nancy stuff. I don’t want to just focus on her issues, I also want to shed light on all the great things she has done and is capable of. Horse back riding is going really well, they have a new program that they are working with her on. She gets a saddle bag, and in that bag is a bunch of cards that have instructions for things she needs to read and then complete. Example, hold your hands on your shoulders and count 2 ten. She did that, in English and Spanish. When she completes a task, she gets chips which equal a certain number of points. She recently reached 100 points and received a $5 gift card to Target, that was awesome for them to do that! Teaches them that through good actions, rewards are obtainable. We had fun going shopping. I couldn’t help myself and had to get some dry erase boards, markers, and some write off books for letters, and 1st grade math. They are going to love playing school. Selena picked out a squishy ball and a Strawberry Shortcake doll. She was very excited to get a reward for her hard work (since she only gets from 20-30 a session, once a week) and to go shopping! Good job Selena!

The girls have been spending the night and it’s been a lot of fun. They still don’t understand why she ignores them during certain situations, why she excessively touches them or why she doesn’t really understand our conversations all the time. But they all love each other, and don’t let it affect them too much and just continue on with what they are doing. I will say that they are learning to just leave her alone and not push her, especially when she gets into certain moods. We all get into certain moods, Selena’s are just more noticeable than others. We’ve been having a blast cooking, doing crafts, going and doing fun activities and enjoying just being together as a family. We always go around at our meals and talk about our favorite part of the day. It makes me so happy to hear that we are their favorite part of the day. One day Hope was waiting in the window for me to get home from work, and when Daddy asked her why she was waiting there, she said it was because I was one of her favorite people in the whole world. Awwwww. So adorable. I love our family. From every flaw to every giggle, I wouldn’t change it for anything.



March 24, 2012 March 24, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Chobie @ 11:47 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

¬† ¬† ¬†Feels like just yesterday I wrote the last post! So, I was so wrong about Selena. So wrong. She was sick up until that next Wednesday, cutting spring break about in half. I felt so bad for her. I called the Dr to see if I needed to bring her in on Monday? Because her bowels hadn’t quit moving and we were going on day 3 of Imodium. Which I later found out, in that same phone conversation, that she needed to expunge the sickness through the same area at which we were stopping up. Selena being sick, is confusing, tiring, and confusing. As soon as she starts to feel bad, she’ll play it to the max. But as soon as she starts to feel just a tad better, then she isn’t sick anymore and is ready to conquer the world. Enough about her sickly bowels.

¬† ¬† ¬†The rest of the spring break went, rather hectic. She was tired of me, I was tired of her and we were both ready for a break. So, Thursday, we go to Grammy’s work (with Mrs. Pat and Mr. Bill) and she is my helper for the day. I had dressed her up in the cutest dress. Hogstooth, houndstooth, some old pattern. She was a little Jackie Kennedy and she helped punch holes, make copies and put the fasteners through the files. With an Angry Bird lunch and back to the grind! I am very thankful that I was permitted to have her with me, losing all that work really hurts the pocketbook. I say it went hectic because it’s a huge break in the routine. She was ill, so she thought she wasn’t allowed at school¬†because¬†she was sick and not because it was really a vacation time. I had to keep reminding her that no one was mad at her, and that she still has her friends (when she wasn’t feeling good) and when she was feeling good, I had to remind her that we couldn’t go out anywhere because she was sick. I bet she was so confused!

¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†Aftercare had went well, and now since I haven’t had her in this past week, all she wants to do is go! Fighting to get on the bus after school. Crying to me in the morning. Being upset when school is about to let out. Gosh, I didn’t realize I had done so much damage with 4 days of aftercare!! They have been telling her that it is closed. I hope that I can afford to put her back in it, she really really seems to enjoy it. Even though the honeymoon was almost over, I think she’ll be smooth sailing for the first week again. I still don’t like doing this to her. Hopefully by next week, she won’t even ask. She really says things that hurts my feelings, but I don’t think she does it on purpose, she just doesn’t understand how powerful language can be! Telling me she didn’t want to come home and be with me, she wanted to stay in aftercare. All this that and the other.¬†

¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†She was approved for hippotherapy, so on Thursday Selena and myself met with the therapist at Instride and Selena got her evaluation done! She did so good! I had explained to her what we were going to do and she really had no concept and all the way there kept going on and on about how she was a cowgirl! How she needed to wear a special horse shirt! How she was really going to be a firegirl first and then a cowgirl! But my favorite was, how she’s going to find a big horse and make it smaller and smaller and smaller so it will be her size! I kept explaining to her that she was not going to be riding today, but meeting with a nice lady who was going to see if we would be able to or not. I kept telling her what was going to happen and then asking her to not get upset. Trying to avoid a meltdown, ya know? Selena tells me that, “She’s going to talk to the cowgirl all by herself and that I could stay in the car.” LOL!!! We are going to have FUN around the age of 14. Anyways, we get there and she is just tickled pink! There were 2 riders going around the ring and she instantly wanted a horse like the ‘yellow’ one in the arena (Blonde horse). We go in and she gives the therapist a big hug. Doesn’t introduce herself, nothing. Selena thinks this woman is in charge of the horses and is smoozing already!!! After the hug, she takes Ms. Mary’s hand and says, “Lets go ride the horse!” She just grinned at her and got down to business, making small talk with Selena.¬†

¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†I have been catching myself and trying to change my habits. Because when people ask her something, I have had the tendency to respond for her and not give her a chance. She’s gotten so used to that action, that when this therapist asked her questions, Selena instantly looked at me. I made the zipper motion over my mouth and motioned for her to answer. First came the shrugs, when making eye contact, then as she looked away, she started to talk. Never really keeping any solid eye contact at all. But that’s usual for Selena. So yea, I have been breaking my own habits and giving her the time it takes to make a response. And if she just shrugs her shoulders or starts to look upset, I have been placing my hand on her arm and giving her a comforting touch to let her know it’s ok to speak for herself. I hope this works and she feels more confident with her speech. I’m sure this only happens when I’m around and she probably talks off the charts when I’m no where to be found.

¬† ¬† ¬†So yes, hippotherapy. Since her core is rather strong, they are going to put her in a saddle and teach her how to ride the horse instead of going bareback and getting those muscles worked, plus all the therapies that come along with riding bareback. So they are going to work with her on sequencing, speaking, directionals, etc. Selena is going to love it!!!! I’m so glad that we found out about this, I would have never known!!!¬†

¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†Dentist appointment is scheduled and I’m a bit nervous about that. It’s an 8:30 am appointment. Geesh!!! I hope they schedule her something soon to get the teeth pulled, or they might want to do it then. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. I think I’m more nervous than she is! I explained to her what they were possibly going to do, and she had no qualms about it at all. She likes to tell people she has 2 extra teeth!! If she only knew… Well, I’m sure she’ll find out soon enough. ¬† ¬†

         Last night was tent in the living room night and boy was she happy!!! I let her sleep under it as well. Selena kept waking up all night long and kept asking me to sleep under there with her. So I obliged to her request and got under this tent, comprised of a queen sheet, 3 blankets, 2 bar chairs and 2 kitchen table chairs, I was actually too tall for something and my feet poked out under the legs of the chairs. First time in a long time that my height was an issue!!

¬† ¬† ¬†She is currently at Grammy and Papa’s getting a fix of the spoiled life. I am getting a fix of the quiet life. It’s almost too quiet! Must find something else to do now!!!!



February 20, 2012 February 21, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Chobie @ 2:55 am
Tags: , , , ,

¬† ¬† ¬†Time just flies and before ya know it, it’s been weeks! Months! Since I am still..under..the..weather…I will make this short and sweet. Selena is growing so well and we are so proud of her! The last 5 of her spelling tests were 100%! Her behaviors are hit and miss but flaring up a bit because her birthday is this weekend and stress is a bit high right now. EEEEEEEEK!!!! I will have a 6 year old?! My goodness.¬†

¬† ¬† ¬†We have been to the behavioral pediatrician and she gave us good insight on what to expect from her and also that we are doing everything right. Hooray! We received a script for¬†Hippo-therapy and I couldn’t be more thrilled! Best part, her new insurance will cover full costs. Yay!!!¬† She also told us that Selena looks like she has the potential to be mainstreamed in the future. I for one hate that term, but alas that is what it’s called and I’m so thrilled!!!!!!! Not that I have anything against the teachers or classrooms she’s in now, they are so great with her and you can tell they genuinely care about the children’s well being and development. So much of that seems to be lost in the ‘mainstreamed’ classes. Shuffle shuffle in, shuffle shuffle out. I must say, I will be as equally pleased and sad about the promotion. Not saying it’s happening anytime soon, she still has quite a bit of self disciplining to learn.¬†

¬† ¬† ¬†So, what’s been happening in the life of Selena? Well, Selena got to go bowling for the first time EVER! She did so well, and the look on her face was pure excitement. I haven’t been to the bowling alley in a long time and I thought it was the coolest that the bumpers automatically go up and down. I remember a time….hehehe. Anyway, she bowled a 65? Somewhere around there. A natural cheerleader I tell ya, she was cheering on everyone and I see a promising squad leader in the future. Of course we couldn’t pass up the candy win machine so Mahja and Fahja (Grandparents) gave all the girls some quarters to play with. Selena won a 3 sucker combo and some tickets. So she picked out a little army man, rifle and all, so that her castle could have a guard. The other girls were tickled pink when Selena shared all her lolipops with them. Such a generous child.

     Pssst. Is that the tooth fairy I sense coming? Selena is going to the dentist here soon to get her teeth checked out, because she has her 2 bottom teeth coming in right behind her baby teeth. I did some light research and found that it is a rather normal thing that some children experience. To the dentist ASAP to see if they will need to pull out the baby teeth. Oi vey, always something. 

¬† ¬† ¬†Her nails are fully healed, not sure if I had mentioned that last post, and she’s doing a good job at not chewing them…that much… still working on the absence of it all, but hey, we gotta start somewhere. And now since it is almost summer here and the¬†mosquitoes¬†are coming back out, as with other Florida buggies, we are dealing with the incessant scratching of the bug bites! Her arms resemble the moon at times, full of craters. Gotta find some way for her to quit doing that now too! The other day I went into her bedroom and caught her just digging on her leg, blood everywhere. I don’t think the pain receptors are very sensitive, she seems to have a pretty high pain tolerance.

¬† ¬† ¬†OOOO, she’s growing!!! She has actually gotten TALLER!!! Not by much, but some, and we had to upgrade to a size 11 shoe. For not being too tall, she sure does have big feet, sorry Selena, that you got from me. All these wonderful clothes we got from my sister aren’t going to fit much longer I’m afraid. I guess that means we’ll have to go shopping!

¬† ¬† ¬†Selena is starting to read books better, but it can be challenging (for me and her anyway) because she will say she doesn’t know the word, but if you don’t say anything and just wait a few moments, she will try to sound it out. I have come to learn that by not acknowledging those ‘trigger phrases’ then we can avoid a meltdown. She knows a lot of the sight words and is doing very well at using phonics to sound out words she isn’t familiar with.¬†

     Her birthday party is Saturday and she is very excited. BBQ. Yum, yum.

*Yawn* I’m so tired, I’m going back to bed.



January 24, 2012 January 24, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Chobie @ 4:36 pm

¬†¬†¬†¬† So this year has been less than ideal with the amount of illness going around right now. Selena doesn’t always tell us when she’s sick, and most of the time she’s just mimicking what someone else said or did. It is getting a lot better, but you can’t always.believe what she says. I feel like I’m playing detective most days because how she speaks to the world can be such a mystery! We are pulling through. Slowly but surely.

Good things first! Selena got a 100% on her first spelling test ever! Rocked it without a problem! We took her out to celebrate at Chili’s and she enjoyed the praise.¬† Next round of words are out, so I got crafty and put them on index cards that are taped under the television on plain view. Anytime she wants to watch TV, we ask her the words! Hopefully this method works! Selena gets stuck on a few of them, which is odd because she knows 100% of the alphabet visually and phonetically. For example, she’ll see the word sled but say and think the word skate. Odd. Either way, she is soaring with spelling! ūüôā Selena’s vocabulary is really improving as well. I had no idea that she knew so many words! It is wonderful that she is now starting to use them!

She has been full of attitude and is getting in trouble more often lately. I am hoping that it is only because she is sick and not because of anything else. Selena has been answering me by screaming the response at me, and very vocal about her disapproval with anything. Mornings have been…terrible. Daddy laid down the law this morning (1/26) and put an end to all that. Maybe. We’ll see if it sticks tomorrow. I hate having to put her in the corner first thing in the morning, but something’s gotta give. After an attitude adjustment, she finished up herself with some light assistance. I don’t know if I’m just pressing her too hard or if I don’t have the right expectations for her, or if the style of parenting I’m using is incorrect…or if she’s just ‘playing me’ because that’s what children do. So many variables, not enough conclusive data!

Sigh…this is old. I just found it. Sorry.