Today didn’t go so smooth. Selena was in a rather terrible mood and just wanted to be left alone. This morning she wasn’t thrilled about getting up and kept complaining that her belly was hurting. She likes to say that… A LOT, which makes it hard to distinguish if her belly actually does hurt. Best line this morning, “I can’t brush my teeth, my belly hurts.” At least she didn’t have to go to school and got to go to her babysitters house with the opportunity to relax. We get over there and the dog hops up on the sofa with her and Selena starts bawling, saying he stepped on her (which I was watching the whole thing and he did not), I was set on getting a call from Tameka today and saying that she was not being very good. Thankfully, when I checked on her this afternoon, they were making colored rice pictures and noodle necklaces. Tameka really helped turn her mood around and we couldn’t be more blessed or lucky to have crossed paths with her! Today we started giving her the prescription as directed and she took it 3 times today, the good news is that it didn’t really affect her adversely. It’s still too early to see what positive affects it has to offer her, hopefully within this next week, we will be able to see a difference with her moods. If we haven’t yet, then I will talk to the nurse and tell her that we don’t feel that this is the right medication for her, maybe the nurse will want to try something else.
Oh and I tried to call All Children’s to get her some appointments made for the neurologist and genetics during my lunch break and I got redirected 4 times, which ended up at a voicemail. I will try again tomorrow and hopefully I can talk to someone and get some things scheduled. Daddy and myself were talking on the way to work and got to thinking an unusual ‘what if’ question. What if they do all these tests and find out that something else is ‘wrong’ with Selena than what we all think. That’s an interesting question and I can’t wait to get all these tests underway and the results back to us so that we can help Selena in the best way possible, Autism or not. Shoot, by the time we can get her in there to see a neurologist, it’ll probably be 4-8 months from now and who knows how much more she’s going to grow! It’s a scary thought to think that she might take a lot longer than most to catch onto things. It’s worrying that she can’t handle a half day in a school. How is she going to make it in the ‘real world’ when she gets older? How is she going to handle middle school. Will she be able to make it through basic education programs without problem after problem after problem? So many questions run through our minds as we watch her behaviors worsen and her inabilities take the foreground in day to day life. It’s impossible to determine how a child is going to do after so many years, but it is definitely something we are worried about. I’m hoping these tests show exactly what’s not working in sync for her and we can work on those issues much more than the rest. I haven’t lost the faith that she will overcome all these difficult obstacles and be just as successful, independent and as ‘normal’ as the rest of society. She’s a strong girl with a sharp mind and it just needs some fine tuning.
Daddy picked up all the girls today and then headed back up to work to pick me up. The girls were so excited to see where we worked and my office. I felt so official, hehe. The car ride was brutal but only because they were tired of being in there and hungry. None of the girls could do anything right for Selena, if she talked to them she got upset, if they talked to her, she got upset. I told her to keep to herself and not talk to anyone in the van if she couldn’t keep from getting upset. I turned on some poppy radio music and they all went into their own spaces. We got back to the house and Selena went into a crazy meltdown because Hope started playing with some blocks that were on the night stand table. Selena got crazy upset because she was building something with them last night and wasn’t finished with her project. Well, Hope didn’t know that and started playing with them! Selena screamed and hid under the bed just bawling her eyes out. I coax her to get out from under the bed and went to talk to her in the living room. I tried explaining the situation to her, which wasn’t going so well, but at least I got her to calm down. Hope came out because she was worried about Selena being upset and also worried that she was in trouble, she didn’t even have to say anything, I could see it in her eyes. Poor thing, she’s got such a pure heart. So I tell Hope that she isn’t in trouble and try to explain to her why Selena is so upset. I talk them both into working together and build something together. Selena’s mood had improved and they hopped off down the hallway in a half embrace, with Hope giving Selena encouraging words.
Dinner went well, we had a great time talking about things, eating and feeding each other while we pretended to be sharks. Selena also taught them our super cool and awesome secret handshake. As usual, the girls always ask and ask for dessert after dinner. It was time to get moving so I said in an announcer voice, “If you get your shoes on before I get counted down from 10, you’ll get a surprise!” OH MY GOD. Selena completely freaked out, went SCREAMING off in to the room and went off the complete deep end. I felt terrible but I must admit, I was a bit beside myself, I was just trying to have fun and it seems like we always have to mold around Selena. What she likes, what she can handle, what she can do, what she can’t do. I hate to mention feelings like this because it tends to leave me feeling a bit guilty, but they are mine and I love her for who she is and wouldn’t want to change her for the world, but damn man. Eggshells, always walking on eggshells. Can’t turn the light on in the morning, can’t brush her hair out of sync, can’t really even ask her to do things in the morning, can’t do this, can’t do that…. it’s just so exhausting trying to keep up with it all at times. Shoot, for a while I couldn’t have the radio on in the car without her going into meltdown mode. Off of my rant, I hope it wasn’t too much to handle.
Back onto a good note!! We all can’t wait for this weekend, when the girls get to stay over and I can only hope that Selena is able to be pulled out of this mood that she’s in, or we’re in store for a very long weekend. I pray she’s in a great mood, I want to get our craft on and swimming and horses and smores and tents and playgrounds and I could go on forever about all the stuff we have planned! (Let’s see how much we get done because we might just relax instead, hehe)