I’m trying to stay positive, which is not always easy to do! Life is all sorts of crazy! Selena is an amazing child, but man, I can’t wait for a few hours of non-working, non-cleaning, non-motherly duties!! Just to get these posts out takes days it seems! I’m just getting all of that out of my system, just one of those days I’m thinking. What a bad morning!! Hit or miss, but they are usually bad. It feels like we take 3 steps forward and then 2 back. I have to fight her just about every morning and it’s tiring. Some mornings I dread even disturbing her because I just don’t want to deal with the battles. Sounds horrible I’m sure, but after years of it, I’m ready for change. I’m ready for us to find a routine that works, that still involves Selena doing at least 80% herself. *Friday morning wasn’t so bad, she got to pick her own outfit, but still screamed at me.*
When she gets home from school, sometimes I offer her a movie to watch, this week is Happy Feet. Definitely a movie geared for her! Singing, dancing and an animated film?! Score! Yea….I know, we don’t get new releases, so we’re always playing catch up. Plus, Selena likes her shows and will very rarely want to watch something else! For instance, when she’s at Unkie’s she has her own line-up there, Grammies is different & then our house. If we try to put a new show/movie on that isn’t in her usual “home line-up” then she’ll resist, scream & runaway. So, I just put it on and she’ll check it out from another room (after she calms down) and she’ll make her way in to watch it. I’ll probably hear today that she only does that when she’s with me! It’s so incredibly difficult to get her to sit still through a movie! Even when she’s really enjoying it, she still rolls around on the bed/ground or jumps!!!!
I notice that she has quite a few more behaviors when she’s with me, as opposed to Daddy, Unkie, or Grammie/Papa. It is frustrating to think that she only acts this bad around me. Or screams. Now, she screams “SLOW DOWN” over & over when I’m brushing her hair! Yes, I comply with her, but even when I’m going snail pace, she still screams. We are moving up, it was just a complete meltdown before. But if annnnnyone else brushes her hair, she doesn’t resist, usually not even a peep. Grrrr.
School is still going really well. She did stain her uniform skirt from picking her leg! Quick, I need an easy blood removal technique! She still displays self-injury but it isn’t nearly as bad as it was! We went from her ramming her head into walls (like a bull), to slamming her head on the ground, to pinching (herself), to the complete ‘alligator death roll’ (body slamming, kicking, head slamming while on the ground/against wall), to punching herself in the face or leg, to eye rubbing, to picking open wounds and now we caught her picking her skin off – with no break in the skin prior (when she’s upset primarily…I hope) AND chewing her toe-nails down so far that they bleed! We’ve had to tape her toes to get her to stop! I am so thankful that it has gotten better. It was so scary in the beginning, I had no way to even help her, except restrain her and keep her safe! Which meant she was clawing me, slamming me with her head (she busted my lip a few times), and doing anything she could with an almost ‘flight or fight’ mentality. It was horrible when she first started school, they wanted me to put a helmet on her! NO WAY! At that time she was extremely sensitive when I brushed her hair. She would try to claw me or herself while screaming and ripping her head away from the brush. I’ve always wished that she liked her hair done up. Ponytail, braid, anything!! When she is in the mood she’ll allow us to put her hair up, sometimes only as long as a car ride, but I will keep trying! She does really like headbands, so we’ve stocked up on those! I don’t know if it applys just enough pressure to her scalp to keep her aware of where she is in space or what, but at times, the headband seems to help stabilize her….or it distracts her! Either way, we win! I am hoping that her sensitivity will continue to decrease so that she’ll be able to live a much more comfortable life!
Like usual, we’re busy so I have to squeeze this out rather quickly! Which is not easy when it’s all done with a mobile phone! *Please don’t get a txt, call or email!* haha While I have our attention elsewhere, I would just like to thank you for reading our adventure. I am aware that at times, my thoughts are scattered or mix-matched, so thank you for bearing with me!
Selena has always been excited to check the mail, but lately she has been asking if whatever is inside it is hers. Of course if it’s junk mail, I tell her yes and let her open it. I can’t wait to see her face when she checks the mail and actually sees it has her name on it. So I call to my friends and family asking for their help! What a response I got! I’m excited to see her reactions!!
Last night was so much fun, after dinner with Daddy and the girls, Selena and myself took a quick trip to Grammy and Papa’s before heading home! Boy did Grammy have a surprise for us! Her and Mrs. Pat got a little kit together for Selena to make cards with, and Mrs. Pat got Selena some Halloween stickers!! They are so cute! She wrote everything out pretty good and did a great job decorating her thank you cards!
Time for me to get busy, we have a busy weekend ahead of us! She is so excited to be spending the night at Unkie & Bobbi’s (with Molly & Shelby – Selena will add), then going to Grammy & Papa’s and sleeping there Sat. night! I’m going to miss her, but it’s a well deserved break! Have a great weekend!
***I almost forgot. Birthday Mode is still in full swing, and I thought it was over!!! Today when she got home from school, she said that they had a party and Selena said, “We had a birthday party for me at school today!”….oooh man. Everyday it’s one or 2 subtle birthday comments or small conversation. Lol